What to Write Back When Your Teen Sends Testy Text Messages

What to Write Again When Your Teen Sends Testy Textual content Messages


Texting is ceaselessly utilized by dad and mom, older kids, teenagers, and grownup kids to work together. Nonetheless, the comfort of textual content messages may be compromised by teenagers lacking the in‑particular person communication cues of a face‑to‑face dialog.

A research by Lenhart (2015), referenced in a newer 2021 Pub Med article, How Adolescents Use Textual content Messaging By means of their Excessive College 12 monthss, highlights that teenagers ship and obtain a median of 67 messages per day. Primarily based on my scientific observations of teenagers in my ready room, I’d estimate teenagers ship extra textual content messages than that as of late.

As you will notice within the examples beneath, a peaceful, agency, and noncontrolling communication type may also help handle the method of harried texting teenagers speaking with their dad and mom. To assist guarantee clean textual content exchanges, dad and mom should first be conscious of how they impart by texts. You will need to concentrate on how the notion of parental yelling (meant or not) by textual content messages can injury the method of conversing with a reactive teen.

On this first instance, Dimitri, the dad, is anxious about his son hanging out with friends he’s involved about.

Dimitri: You must cease making dumb selections already! And smarten up! We talked about you taking a break from this group of mates. You’re higher than them!

Doug: You’re at all times yelling at me and telling me what to do. Cease attempting to manage my life!

Dimitri (calm, agency, noncontrolling): Not my intention to look like I’m yelling. I’m simply pissed off as a result of I’m nervous about you stepping into bother. Let’s calmly speak later. Pls, textual content me in a half-hour to let me know you’re okay. I understand we have to determine the way to focus on this with out preventing. Let’s work on it. Okay?

Doug (20 minutes later): Dad, are you able to pls come to get me now. I’ve to get residence to do
some homework.

Within the transient textual content alternate above, Doug experiences Dimitri’s (father) frustration as yelling. But, Dimitri lowers the battle by turning into extra collaborative within the tone of his texts.

Now think about this second instance, an extended textual content alternate between a teen, Patty, and her mom, Juliet:

Patty: Omg, mother! WTF, are you significantly loopy? I’m so not okay with this. I don’t need you there!

Juliet: Sufficient, Patty! I’m so sick of your angle!

Patty: My angle! How about yours????? You’re being ridiculous. I’m in ninth-grade mother, and there’s no means you’re going to be a chaperone at this dance! You need to management every part and destroy my life. I’m completed with you attempting to manage every part I do.

Juliet: How about that costume I simply acquired you for your dance goes again to the shop the place
it got here from? I didn’t must spend all that cash, particularly to have you ever deal with me like

Patty: See, mother. You at all times must make every part about cash, and each time I speak, you make me really feel responsible!

Juliet (calm, agency, noncontrolling): Patty, this backwards and forwards just isn’t going to assist both of us. I
can see how you are feeling shocked. I really feel you have been attacking me, however I feel I additionally attacked you. For those who don’t need me to be a chaperone, then I received’t.

Patty (FIve minutes later): It’s high quality, mother. I don’t care if you’re there, however simply pls don’t strain me with photos such as you do typically, okay?

Juliet: I perceive, Patty. Okay.

As you possibly can see on this textual content message alternate between Juliet and Patty when Juliet softens her interplay, turns into much less reactive, exhibits empathy, and backs off, then Patty feels much less threatened, much less reactive, and extra versatile along with her mother being a chaperone at her dance.

Closing Ideas

Whereas these are simply transient examples, I’ve seen again and again in counseling teenagers, grownup kids, and oldsters how the calm, agency, and noncontrolling method, which I focus on in my e book, 10 Days to a Much less Defiant Little one, 2nd Version, prevents, reduces, and eliminates conflicts by digital communication as properly.


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