The Need for Mindful Non-Sexual Touch

The Want for Aware Non-Sexual Contact


“Nothing is as therapeutic because the human contact.”—Bobby Fischer

I train a category on sexual mindfulness, and what typically surprises contributors is the big period of time we spend on conscious, non-sexual contact.

My staff realized simply how necessary non-sexual contact was once we taught our {couples} a apply known as conscious hugging. The thought is that {couples} stand and help their very own weight and loosely hug one another. There isn’t a speaking, only a concentrate on their very own breath and an consciousness of the way it feels to be embraced by their associate.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Properly, it’s. However it’s also emotional. After a few five-minute conscious hug, companions put their foreheads collectively and speak. They discuss what feelings arose for them, what anxieties they skilled, and if one thing was irritating or candy. We observed the identical {couples} sitting nearer to one another, persevering with the contact as the category moved on.

One other exercise is a conscious gaze. Throughout this exercise, {couples} maintain palms and are guided by a meditation that features wanting deeply into one another’s eyes. They’re reminded of what connections introduced them up to now. As they have a look at one another, they’re invited to see with new eyes. This meditation by no means ends with out tears and new disclosures.

Why is non-sexual contact so necessary?

It appears like a fairytale ending, however non-sexual contact brings happiness, peace, and bodily well being[i]. Non-sexual contact is a necessity that’s typically ignored in our ultra-individualistic tradition. We must be cuddled, hugged, kissed. We have to maintain palms, look deeply into somebody’s soul, and contact their arm. We will need to have the bodily acknowledgment of our wants.

These claims usually are not fairytales; they’re well-documented analysis research[ii] [iii] that assist us perceive a few of our personal cultural issues. One thing as simple as holding a hand can decrease blood strain[iv]. No prescription is required for a hug that may cut back stress. Elevated immunity and decrease cortisol can come from a delicate cuddle.

That is nice information as a result of contact has no dangerous unintended effects. Nevertheless, in a touch-averse tradition like ours, we might wrestle to embrace this simple answer. As People, we’re fairly pleasant and talkative, however we aren’t all the time inclined to consolation by contact. The previous chairman of the psychology division of Seattle Pacific College, Jay Skidmore, explains, “social-cultural developments in America have targeted for many years on decreasing contact.”

Discipline describes the bigger cultural results of the shortage of contact by mentioning that “ … cultures that exhibited minimal bodily affection towards their younger kids had considerably greater charges of grownup violence” however “these cultures that confirmed vital quantities of bodily affection towards their younger kids had just about no grownup violence.[v]”

How can contact interrupt stress?

When marriages and relationships have stress, our pure response is to tug again. However right here is the place mindfulness might assist.

Subsequent time you’re feeling a little bit of stress between you and your associate, tune in to your observing thoughts. Are you conscious of all of your senses? Sight, sound, style, odor, and most significantly right here, contact. Discover any ideas or feelings that come up. When you discover them, simply flip your consideration again to your bodily sensations. Discover if this course of helps you expertise much less reactivity.

As you course of the strain along with your associate, see when you can genuinely reply with a compassionate contact. Place your hand on their hand and spot if you’re calmed and in case your associate is calmed by this easy act. This can be a simple technique to deescalate the strain. When {couples} deescalate stress, they’re extra probably to have the ability to clear up the issue or discover widespread floor even with totally different views[vi].

Whether or not conscious non-sexual contact is used to calm your coronary heart in a second of battle or to create a heat connection, decide to implementing this simple, free, and helpful software. As you apply this strategy to relationships, it would develop into extra instinctive, and you’ll find that contact has the facility to vary the setting of your connections to others.


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