Red Flags, Green Flags and When to let Relationships go - Psychologist Gold Coast

Purple Flags, Inexperienced Flags and When to let Relationships go – Psychologist Gold Coast


The standard of {our relationships} has an especially massive affect on our wellbeing and functioning. After we are feeling “low”, “confused” or “disconnected”, it’s maybe an space which isn’t given sufficient consideration as a reasoning for why we could also be feeling that method. Right here we speak in regards to the “crimson flags” and the “inexperienced flags” in relationships and indicators of when it may be time to let a relationship go.

After we take into consideration relationships, they differ on a spectrum from wholesome to unhealthy to abusive. Wholesome relationships are protected and empowering. In them we really feel safe, valued and appreciated. Unhealthy relationships are turbulent and co-dependent. In them we could really feel misunderstood, insecure and undervalued. Abusive relationships are harmful and damaging. In them we will really feel extraordinarily remoted and nugatory. Purple flags and inexperienced flags are nice indicators of what we will search for to guage whether or not {our relationships} are optimistic.  So what are “crimson flags” to look out for in a relationship?

Purple Flags in Relationships

Purple flags are warning indicators! They’re usually attribute of an unhealthy relationship.  However generally the earliest indicators of an abusive relationship are examples of those “crimson flags” which later progress to acts of bodily, emotional and sexual violence. (If you happen to suppose chances are you’ll be in an abusive relationship, please see the tip of this weblog put up for help providers).

What are Purple Flags?

  • Communication, decision-making and intimacy is one-sided
  • There are bursts of affection adopted by intervals of the “chilly shoulder”
  • Battle is frequent, not often resolved and there’s little compromise
  • People keep away from citing their perspective for worry of “rocking the boat”
  • People wrestle to be their very own individual and really feel shut-off from the remainder of their help community

So what ought to we do if a relationship has a number of these indicators? Effectively firstly relationships are usually not good and there will likely be ups and downs. However we do need to make certain the positives outweigh the negatives. So, we’ve received two choices: we will both selected to work on the problems collectively or we will select to let go. However, if we select to remain, we need to make certain the connection already has optimistic indicators. These are known as “inexperienced flags”.

Inexperienced Flags in Relationships

What are Inexperienced Flags?

  • Communication, choices and intimacy is two-sided and each events really feel heard and appreciated
  • Battle is inside moderation and each events are in a position to compromise
  • One another’s boundaries are revered
  • Each events really feel like a person – they’ve their very own hobbies, are self-sufficient and really feel safe and equally fulfilled when they’re away from their companion
  • Each events really feel nurtured and protected to be susceptible

How do I domesticate inexperienced flags in my relationships?

One of the best factor we will do to let a relationship flourish is to speak! We have to know what our companion’s boundaries, triggers and love languages are. And this goes two methods! Our companion must know these items about us. So we should study to open up and let one another in. The subsequent step is a willingness to compromise. It’s no good realizing all of these items if neither celebration is prepared to accommodate their companion’s wants. Nevertheless, we must always by no means have to vary utterly for a relationship and this leads us to a different actually necessary factor for relationships…house. In partnerships we want the house to be particular person individuals and really feel snug in our personal pores and skin. However like we talked about earlier, this isn’t at all times the case and generally it’s wiser to let the connection and the individual go.

Letting go of Relationships

When people are not a “good match” for us, it is very important let these individuals go and transfer on. There may be nothing extra we will get hold of from the partnership. Moreover, it might be doing us extra hurt than good. It is a talent which frequently will get simpler with age. As we turn out to be extra mature we’re in a position to see extra clearly (and sometimes faster) if a relationship is just not a “good match”.

Nevertheless, it’s necessary to acknowledge letting go of individuals is tough. It typically means releasing an individual who has helped make us who we’re at present. In a technique or one other they’ve formed our previous, our experiences and our identification. Additionally, as people, we usually don’t like change. It could really feel very uncomfortable and there will be anxiousness round whether or not we’re making the fitting resolution. That is much more obvious in people who’ve low-self-worth or have been part of a co-dependent bond. Additionally, if we now have been in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, we could have been informed issues like,

  • “You’ll by no means discover another person like me,” or
  • “I’m one of the best a part of you,” or
  • “I’ll destroy you should you depart”

Such statements are used as weapons of management to play on our insecurities and make letting go even more durable.

The method of transferring on can observe the same path to grief. If you need assist coping see – grief and loss.

However what occurs once we lastly let a relationship go?


We transfer into an area the place we will make our personal decisions. Due to this fact these will be decisions which profit us and are in step with our values and targets. Moreover letting go opens the door for brand new relationships and experiences that are extra suited to us and our needs. So, while letting go is tough, staying in a spot which not serves us is at all times more durable. On that word, it may be time to ask your self, are there inexperienced flags in my relationships or are there crimson flags waving round simply ready to be addressed?


If you happen to suppose chances are you’ll be in an abusive relationship, please search help. Psychologists like us are an ideal choice in case you are in search of enterprise hours and face-to-face help. However organisations like DVConnect and Lifeline provide free, 24-7, phone disaster counselling and help.

And, in case you are battling a number of the factors talked about right here and need to chat, please attain out to our therapists. To seek the advice of with a CBT Professionals psychologist, please obtain our referral type right here and take it with you to your GP appointment. We hope to be of help quickly!

Disclaimer: Content material on this web site is offered for schooling and knowledge functions solely. It’s not supposed to interchange advise out of your physician or registered well being skilled. Readers are urged to seek the advice of their registered practitioner for prognosis and therapy for his or her medical considerations.


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