I Found a New Relative on Ancestry. Now What?

I Discovered a New Relative on Ancestry. Now What?


Pricey Dr. G.,

I acquired an ancestry package as a birthday present from a good friend who thought that it will be enjoyable for me to study extra about my background. I used to be actually enthusiastic about this and hoped that perhaps I might study that I had a extra attention-grabbing ethnic background than what I had been instructed. I came upon much more than I anticipated. I realized that I’ve a half-sister on my father’s aspect.

Neither of my dad and mom is alive, so I’m unable to get details about this from them. Family on my father’s aspect say that they do not know something about this. Naturally, I’m very interested in this half-sister. I’ve a brother and all the time wished a sister. I’m excited concerning the thought of getting a organic sister, however I’m additionally scared about what she is likely to be like and the way she may react to the information of getting a sister.

I’m additionally very confused concerning the circumstances of this half-sister’s existence basically. She is 5 years older than me. So far as I do know, my father didn’t have a previous marriage. Did my father know that he had one other little one? If he did, was he retaining it a secret from my mom? Had been he and my mom retaining it a secret from me and my older brother? Was my father a liar?

This raises questions not merely about my sister but additionally about my dad and mom, particularly my father. My brother and I’ve spoken about this example and are considering that my father most likely did not find out about this little one. He was a superb and sincere man, and we wish to consider that if he knew about this little one, he would have instructed us about her. We doubt that he would have deserted his little one. No less than, we hope that he would not have.

My brother and I’ve determined to rent a genealogist to assist us observe down and establish this half-sister. We’re involved, although, about upending her life. We clearly share DNA together with her, however she could not need to know that. Perhaps, she has a superb and loving father who may even suppose that he’s her organic father. Our curiosity is overwhelming, and we wish to know who this girl is. What ought to we take into consideration as we undergo this course of?

Please advise.

A Confused Daughter

Pricey Daughter,

Thanks for writing to me. Over the previous few years, I’ve labored with many people who’ve additionally realized about organic kin of who they weren’t conscious. I’m conscious of how that is each complicated and attention-grabbing to you. Clearly, your half-sister had some curiosity in her background, or she would have been unlikely to submit her DNA. It’s unclear whether or not or not your father knew about this daughter, however please watch out to not choose him based mostly on this. He could or could not have identified about her. Please maintain on to your reminiscence of your father as a superb man. This may serve each you and your brother effectively.

You might be involved about reaching out to your sister and presumably upending the narrative of her life. That is each sensible and delicate. I believe that the wisest plan of action right here is to succeed in out to her and assess how she is in making contact with you. Respect her needs. It is rather seemingly that she has acquired her DNA outcomes and is conscious of how a lot DNA you and he or she share. In the event you and your half-sister do resolve to fulfill, please hold your expectations at an inexpensive degree. You might be biologically associated, however you’re nonetheless strangers. Don’t attempt to pressure a relationship. Proceed slowly and respectfully. Don’t overwhelm her with info which may be an excessive amount of for her to deal with.

My finest recommendation is to proceed rigorously and with sensitivity. Please get again to me and let me understand how issues work out.

Dr. G.


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