Can We Disagree and Co-exist?

Can We Disagree and Co-exist?


Whereas it could appear apparent that people have variations, in relation to harmonious relationships, there’s a pure pull to need everybody to agree. Some might deny their true emotions to uphold a façade of settlement. Perhaps youngsters work to please their dad and mom, or perhaps dad and mom withhold info to not burden their youngsters. Perhaps companions deny their true wishes to keep away from disappointment or an argument. However self-denial has a value. On the floor, there could also be concord, however, deep down, individuals might really feel remoted, inauthentic, invisible, and stifled.

Then again, some persons are fairly vocal about their factors of view and should count on others to agree, obey, and cling to their beliefs. These may very well be beliefs about household traditions, tradition, faith, and/or political affiliation. What if somebody doesn’t agree? Or what if somebody is born with a unique orientation, or chooses a unique path than earlier relations? How about variations which are launched with marriages, in-laws, and blended households in addition to generational influences? How will we navigate relationships if we disagree about present occasions, parenting values, private decisions, or anything that’s deemed vital?

The query is that this: Can we now have authenticity, various considering, potential disagreement, and harmonious relationships? Let’s view this problem from varied views.


If the reply isn’t any, primarily based on the belief that settlement is important for concord, then the message is that individuals solely settle for different those who they agree with. From this attitude, it will be required to associate with others’ opinions with a purpose to get alongside. The draw back is that this not solely dismisses individuality, potential progress, and differing beliefs, but it surely additionally diminishes oneself. It’s a message of utmost egocentricity that one set of beliefs is correct and all others are unsuitable.

In actual fact, beliefs are acquired and shaped via studying by publicity from different individuals’s beliefs, private experiences, and enter from different sources together with books and different media. What if all of these beliefs weren’t the entire fact? It’s not possible for one particular person to know the entire fact as a result of one particular person has not lived the lives of the billions of different individuals on the planet. Even with intensive learning, the enter is proscribed. So, to make sure of 1 explicit perspective means shutting out all different factors of view, together with those which are utterly unknown to the perceiver.

Reality is usually confused with charged emotion. Charged emotion and fervour in themselves don’t make one thing true, however they might make it in style. Reputation offers a perception the phantasm of validity and grows comradery with others who share the beliefs. Comradery is engaging, no matter whether or not beliefs are true or not. On this scenario, having battle with these with totally different beliefs fuels the bonds and fervour of these with related beliefs.

Social psychology reveals us that having a standard enemy or out-group helps reinforce the bonds of the in-group. Producing negativity relating to an out-group is an efficient option to increase membership of an in-group. If leaders have been motivated to get followers, then creating disagreement with an out-group is an efficient technique. The extra terrible the out-group, the higher it’s for membership to the in-group. It is a manipulative technique to rile up ardour, settlement, and loyalty. Battle is created on goal. Between-group concord would weaken the loyalty to a specific aspect. Subsequently, from this attitude, there can’t be concord with totally different beliefs. One has to decide on one aspect or one other to strengthen loyalty and belonging.


Now let’s contemplate that the other is true: that it’s potential to have authenticity, various views, potential disagreement, and harmonious relationships. Authenticity is the essential issue for this, as this takes braveness to talk one’s fact when it’s totally different than what others need to hear. It confronts individuals’s notion of actuality. Generally individuals get indignant or need to push the distinction away, so that they don’t need to wrestle with their very own assumptions and limitations. In the event that they make the opposite particular person unsuitable, they will protect their beliefs as being proper. That is restricted considering and denial that the world is larger than oneself.

Nevertheless, as soon as somebody is prepared to broaden their consciousness to permit totally different factors of view to co-exist, they develop in sudden methods. Various factors of view are a possibility to realize new insights, views, empathy, and self-awareness. Because of this we take pleasure in tales (e.g., books, films, performs) as a result of we get to see the world as if residing one other particular person’s life. Once we can think about residing a lifetime of one other, we are able to see that they’re multifaceted, identical to we’re, and the purpose of rivalry, or distinction, is absolutely just one facet of that particular person.

A spot to begin is to think about that it’s potential to have your individual perspective, and not less than contemplate that another person’s perspective is smart for them.

Constructing Harmonious Relationships

Three ranges of methods are provided towards constructing harmonious relationships within the face of disagreement:

  1. Tolerance of distinction is an preliminary step towards concord. Tolerance says, “I disagree with you, however I’m permitting us to have our variations with out battle.” Generally this comes with emotional boundaries and a few situations for interactions comparable to not citing sure matters.
  2. Acceptance is the following step, which says, “I settle for that we now have totally different beliefs and I can’t attempt to change, persuade, dismiss, undermine, or repair something. I settle for you as you might be.” Acceptance acknowledges the distinction, permits it to co-exist, and holds an area for mutual respect.
  3. Compassion is the following step, which says, “I rise above beliefs and variations. My love for a good friend, member of the family, or humanity is extra vital than variations.” Love means embracing the particular person and perhaps even desirous to find out about how they really feel, suppose, and expertise the world. The distinction shouldn’t be a menace however, slightly, a possibility to see life in a brand new approach.

Increasing Compassion

Increasing your compassion for others, particularly for many who are totally different than you, will by its very nature additionally broaden your consciousness, enrich your connection to humanity, and deepen your capability to like. How do you follow regarding others from the attitude of a shared human existence?

  1. Discover frequent floor, as a distinction is just one facet of the particular person.
  2. Attempt to perceive the opposite particular person’s context and the place they’re coming from.
  3. Be prepared to speak by listening with nonjudgmental openness and sharing with authenticity and kindness.

As Maya Angelou (1994) stated, “We’re extra alike, my buddies, than we’re unalike.”


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