4 Strategies to Manage a Narcissistic Partner

4 Methods to Handle a Narcissistic Companion


The DSM describes narcissistic persona dysfunction (NPD), as a psychological situation by which individuals have an inflated sense of their very own significance, a deep want for extreme consideration and admiration, troubled relationships, and an absence of empathy for others. Bear in mind, too, that many individuals can exhibit some narcissistic traits with out having full-blown NPD. These would possibly embody:

  • Having an inflated sense of self
  • Needing fixed reward
  • Profiting from others
  • Not recognizing or caring concerning the wants of others

Individuals with NPD or narcissistic tendencies are sometimes very delicate to criticism. They’ve “fragile, excessive vanity.” This implies they’re extremely depending on exterior validation and self-deception or fantasies of success, energy, and sweetness.

Rosa, a relationship teaching consumer of mine, is in a difficult relationship together with her narcissistic boyfriend, Duane. Under is an instance of how tough it usually will get for Rosa.

Textual content Message Drama Between Rosa And Narcissistic Duane

Rosa: You simply mentioned there was a giant drawback. I am attempting to shut out an order for work however I am apprehensive. Are you okay? What’s happening?

Duane: It is no matter, its advantageous, I assume. However name or facetime me quickly. Simply make certain it is a time when I haven’t got to compete along with your job.

Rosa: I do not perceive. After I left this morning it appeared we had been in place. Can’t you simply say what you might be involved about?

Duane: How is it you may even textual content me if you’re so busy at work? You’re not that busy. You’re simply avoiding me! You speak about needing belief and all that feeling secure crap and but you suck at doing it your self. You deal with me like a chunk of rubbish, like nothing I’ve to say is essential. You don’t care about me in any respect!

Rosa: I simply requested you what the difficulty is, however you received’t inform me! What am I purported to do?


Rosa: Come ON! You already know that’s not true. Discuss to me, child.

Duane: Cease with that “speak to me child, sh*t”! I CAN’T TALK TO YOU! YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ANYTHING I SAY!

Rosa [Using some tools we practiced together]: I’m attempting, however…I can’t take care of your depth and this work craziness at this time. I’ve a giant day forward. Critically, are you able to please take this down a notch? When you’re nonetheless upset later, let’s speak.

The Challenges Narcissists Have In Loving Relationships

Narcissistic companions could be very charming, particularly within the early going. They have a tendency to shine with their glowing, animated personalities. They’ll make you’re feeling nice by selecting you. So, it isn’t arduous to know how these compelling hooks lead individuals to be interested in narcissistic companions.

Nevertheless, in time, narcissistic companions are usually controlling and suffocating in relationships. They simply grow to be threatened, jealous, and fast to really feel slighted and damage. This results in them lash out. Narcissists stay in a world of drama and attention-seeking they usually need you to be there (and can attempt to hold you there) with them.

There’s a standard saying: “You possibly can’t love another person except you like your self.” Narcissistic companions wrestle with loving another person as a result of they wrestle to like themselves. Tragically, they usually lack the flexibility to have empathy for his or her companions’ emotions. Their relationships are transactional, the place these round them are sometimes valued when it comes to their capacity to satisfy their wants.

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are you’ll understandably really feel very lonely. When a narcissistic accomplice acts as if they’re at all times proper, it’s arduous to really feel related to them. Their narrative is that they know higher and that their accomplice is fallacious or incompetent.

4 Musts To Handle A Narcissistic Companion

  1. See their narcissism and settle for it for what it’s: As I wrote in my relationship ebook, Why Cannot You Learn My Thoughts?, step one in coping with somebody who has emotional limitations, as within the case of a narcissist, is just accepting that that is who they’re—there’s not a lot you are able to do to alter that.
  2. Know your worth and communicate up: Narcissistic personalities get pleasure from making others really feel uncomfortable and even squirm. Develop your personal self-confidence and self-worth by studying to apply self-compassion. Don’t act like a sufferer or you’ll get devoured up. See your self as equal, and deal with your accomplice as an equal.

    You should inform them how their phrases and conduct impression your life. Be particular and constant about what’s not acceptable and the way you anticipate to be handled. Do not be connected to the outcomes, as they could merely not perceive—or care. However, having your personal voice within the relationship nonetheless counts.

  3. Do not tackle what will not be yours: An individual with a narcissistic persona dysfunction will keep away from taking accountability for hurting you. As a substitute, they have an inclination to compensate by justifying their twisted actions or projecting their very own damaging behaviors onto you or another person. You already know what’s rational. Don’t allow them to take that away from you.
  4. Set clear boundaries: An individual with a narcissistic persona is commonly fairly self-absorbed. They could let you know how you need to really feel or order you round. Possibly they provide you unsolicited recommendation and take credit score for belongings you’ve achieved. They could even have little consciousness of private area, so they have an inclination to cross numerous boundaries. That’s why it’s a must to be abundantly clear about boundaries (Similar to Rosa did within the instance above) which might be essential to you.

Narcissism Important Reads

When To Contemplate Leaving The Relationship

When you really feel like you might be at your wit’s finish and query whether or not or to not go away the connection, take into account the next:

  • Are you being verbally or emotionally abused?
  • Are you feeling manipulated and managed?
  • Have you ever been bodily abused or really feel threatened?
  • Do you’re feeling remoted?
  • Does your accomplice present indicators of psychological sickness or substance abuse, however received’t get assist?
  • Do you’re feeling that your psychological or bodily well being is being affected?


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