There’s a well-known set of 36 questions that helps two strangers get to know one another, and probably fall in love. These questions, popularized within the NY Occasions article “The 36 Questions That Result in Love,” have been created by my Ph.D. advisor, Arthur Aron. The questions’ aim was to fast-track friendship, construct closeness, and maybe spark romantic curiosity. (You may learn the unique analysis article right here; it contains all 36 closeness-building questions on the finish.)
My colleague Brent Mattingly and I each focus on learning the self-concept (significantly within the context of relationships), and we wished to develop the same set of inquiries to facilitate self-discovery and improve self-knowledge. The query was, may we assist people improve their self-knowledge and self-understanding by guided reflection? To create the questions, we consulted printed theories, analysis, and established psychological measures.
There are 6 components, every with 6 questions so that you can full by yourself. You’ll wish to assume deeply about every query, and write down your solutions so you’ll be able to look again on them. To do that effectively, every part ought to take round 15-20 minutes.
Less than writing it out? That’s OK; simply pondering these questions will encourage you to consider them all through your day. In any case, I’d counsel doing one part a day to present your self extra time to mirror. (In the event you’re brief on time, you might focus solely on the starred gadgets.)
Half 1. Your Necessities: Who Are You At present?
This can be a likelihood to get reacquainted with the actual you. It’s a actuality verify to remind you who you’re at your core. Answering them ought to be breeze, however be aware any areas that offer you pause.
1. Checklist 5 adjectives or traits that describe you.*
2. Checklist 5 roles that you simply fulfill.
3. Checklist 5 of your abilities and talents.
4. Checklist 5 of your possessions that present perception into who you’re as an individual.
5. Checklist 5 life experiences which have helped outline who you’re.*
6. Checklist 5 attributes that your closest family and friends would say describe you.
Half 2. Your Authenticity: What Do You Know About Your self For Positive?
It’s one factor to know some details about your self, it’s one other to really feel assured and sure about these traits. Let’s take a look at how predictable and secure your sense of self is.
7. When you consider who you’re, what points of your persona are most clear to you?*
8. In what methods does the “you” that you simply current to the world match who you actually are?*
9. Consider three examples of once you stayed true to your self regardless of societal or peer strain. How will you proceed to do that?
10. What are three of your most necessary private values, and the way can standing by these beliefs profit you sooner or later?
11. What points of your persona keep the identical whatever the state of affairs?
12. Take a look at the “your necessities” lists that you simply’ve created for questions 1 to six in Half I. Do any of those traits battle with who you assume you’re? In the event that they do, how will you be extra constant?
Half 3. Your Self-Esteem: How Effectively Do You Know What You Stand For?
Don’t be too exhausting on your self. It’s straightforward to give attention to what’s fallacious and overlook every thing that’s proper.
13. What are your three finest qualities?
14. In the event you evaluate your self to others , what are you particularly good at?
15. In what methods is your life higher than the lives of different individuals ?*
16. Checklist three issues about your self that make you proud.*
17. Describe three of your best accomplishments in life. What’s your subsequent massive aim?
18. What issues do you battle with? Are you aware anybody else who shares these struggles?
Half 4. Remembering the Means You Had been
Time to get reacquainted with your self and bear in mind who you was once earlier than life acquired in the way in which. There’s plenty of good that you will have left behind.
19. Checklist three belongings you take pleasure in however don’t get a lot alternative to do. What steps can you’re taking to do these items extra usually?*
20. What components of who you’re as an individual have fallen by the wayside? What are you able to do to assist convey them again?*
21. In what methods have you ever put others’ wants forward of your individual? How will you restore the steadiness and begin focusing by yourself wants extra?
22. How will you make time in your schedule this weekend for no less than one pastime you haven’t had time for not too long ago?
23. Suppose again to the kind of particular person you wished to be once you graduated from highschool. What constructive attributes did you’ve that you simply don’t assume you’ve now? How will you rediscover these right this moment?
24. Spend a day trying by picture albums and studying outdated journals. In what methods may you profit from changing into reacquainted with the particular person you have been previously?
Half 5. Your Work Life: How Can You Get the Most Out of Your Job?
We spend plenty of our waking grownup life at work. Prefer it or not, that may form who we’re. However we don’t have to just accept that passively. As a substitute, we are able to take management by seeing work as a chance to enhance ourself.
25. In what methods does your job enable you to enhance as an individual? How can you make sure that this may proceed sooner or later?*
26. What forms of new and attention-grabbing issues do you be taught at your job? How have these experiences benefited you?*
27. What new obligations that you simply’ve taken on at work do you take pleasure in? In what methods have these made you more practical at your job?
28. How may you make the mundane and boring a part of your work extra attention-grabbing and enjoyable?
29. Up to now 5 years, what new abilities have you ever acquired at work? How have these been useful?
30. Wanting forward on the subsequent 5 years, what further areas of experience are you able to develop?
Half 6. Your Future: How Can You Change into an Improved Model of You
Time to step out of your consolation zone. Push your self. Attempt new issues, and uncover new aspects of who you’re. Who do you wish to develop into?
31. What are three new and attention-grabbing actions you might attempt? Which ones may you begin subsequent week?
32. What are three subjects you wish to find out about? Create an motion plan for deepening your understanding of no less than one.
33. Problem your self to enhance in 3 ways this month. What steps can you’re taking towards carrying out every?
34. Which three locations would you want to go to sooner or later? What may you be taught from visiting every place?
35. In what methods have you ever improved as an individual over the previous 5 years? How has this helped form who you’re right this moment?*
36. Take into consideration methods during which you might develop as an individual over the subsequent 5 years. How will this enable you to attain your full potential?*
Working by these questions will offer you the chance to realize better insights into your self and improve your self-knowledge. That’s necessary as a result of being extra clear concerning the self is linked to better life satisfaction, happiness, higher temper, and decrease stress. As Aristotle mentioned, “Understanding your self is the start of all knowledge.”